Daddy’s little nightmare

When you have as many kids as I do, it is inevitable that you are going to be dealing with different personalities.  To be honest each of my kids are completely different from the others.  The only exception is the two boys and that’s mainly because they have the same issues with ADD and ODD.  Although their personalities are different, I still know what to expect from them all.  That is until recently.

As she was growing up, the oldest girl (who is now 12) was always the easy kid.  She was always cheerful and did the things she was told to do.  Even potty training her was the easiest.  We were spending the weekend out of town with family and we told her, at a little older than 2, that this isn’t our house and we cannot wet the bed and she never wet the bed again!  She was the reasonable one.  Not so much anymore.

I am really at a loss on how to handle her anymore.  I am a guy who grew up in a family of guys and now I am a dad with three girls.  Other than taking things away, which doesn’t seem to work, I have no idea how to discipline a girl.  Granted I know that she is becoming a teenage girl and certain hormones and mood swings are to be expected but I truly do not believe this is what I am dealing with.  Let me give you a little recap of some of what I am experiencing.

Like every child, she hates to do chores.  Since she used to be the responsible one, my wife and I decided that if she completely her chores we would pay her an allowance.  We even agreed to pay her a way more than fair amount because of how good she used to be.  I won’t say the actual number because some of you might throw up if you heard the number.  The first week or two she was fine but then she gradually would cut corners or flat out not do stuff.  Now we can’t get her to do anything.  We even told her she wasn’t getting paid anymore until she starts doing things the right way and still she does nothing.  This is just the mildest of the problems.

My wife and I are pretty progressive when it comes to most things with our children.  We promote an open and honest dialogue and give our kids every opportunity to express themselves.  We have allowed her to wear makeup and color her hair when she wanted (within reason).  It has gotten to the point where she isn’t just wearing foundation anymore.  She is painting herself all up and spending hours all throughout the day doing her hair.  It is like every day (even when we don’t go anywhere) is prom day and she has to spend every waking hour primping herself.  I will be damned if I am going to have my 12 year old girl walk around looking like some call girl who is so vain that she spends all her time looking in the mirror.

We noticed the other morning that she looked different than she did the night before.  After further examining her we figured out that she had cut her hair and shaved her eyebrows.  Before school started she wanted to dye her hair this bright red color.  We figured that something like that will wash out and if it allows her to express herself then it is fine.  We however didn’t allow her to get some horribly ugly emo hair cut that she wanted.  Like I said, we are pretty cool with things, within reason.  Well I am guessing she looked a how to cut online or something because it looks as though she attempted to give herself this cut without our permission.  She messed her eye brows up so bad that it is going to take forever for them to grow back the right way too.  When we confronted her about it, she lied straight to out faces like we are stupid or something.  My wife is the one who cut her hair before school so we know EXACTLY how it was cut and no normal 12 year old girl’s eye brows just fall out naturally.  I just cannot believe that she thinks we are this dumb.

She has also gotten so mean all the time.  My wife and I will be in the next room and all of a sudden we can hear her screaming at the top of her lungs at the toddlers.  My wife or myself will go into the room and tell her that we don’t yell in this house and that they are still babies so you can’t just scream at them.  I know the 5 year old boy has issues and he can be difficult but the truth of the matter is, he is reactionary.  He is usually fine until he gets yelled at or if he wants something reasonable and she says no just to be a jerk.  How do you yell at babies?  She even yells at the 2 year old.  It is insane.

Unfortunately I could go on and on about her disrespect and meanness but I won’t.  It would take me all day to write it and you all day to read it.  That is how bad she has gotten.  She used to be daddy’s little girl and has turned into daddy’s little demon in a matter of months.  We used to hang out and joke around and really get each other and those days are gone.  I knew that one day she would leave her daddy behind but I still thought we would still have a good relationship.  We just don’t anymore.  She has become the most disrespectful child I have ever seen…wait the second most disrespectful child I have ever seen.  My brother is way worse to my parents, but that is a whole other story.

I write this in hopes that maybe you all have some ideas.  I know most of you are mommies and daddies and I was thinking you all had some ideas.  I am willing to try anything because my wife and I have tried everything that we can imagine.  Do you have any ideas on how to get my little girl back to normal?

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4 Responses to “Daddy’s little nightmare”

  1. starflower1965 says:

    Okay deep breath! First if she’s not doing her chores, is being disrespectful and yelling at her siblings, then I would say that she shouldn’t be getting ANY privileges and that includes coloring her hair, having makeup, etc. She has proved she’s not ready for it. It’s time to take more than computers, phones, etc. away. Second, I would say there is something bothering her. She’s being bullied or pressured by her peers and it’s time for you to do some investigating to get to the bottom of what’s causing this. Go talk to her teachers, her friends, etc. Sit down and talk with her. Not when you are angry, but when you can say, “Look there is obviously something going on with you. Your Mom and I want to help you, but we can’t do that if we don’t know what’s going on.” Make her feel safe to tell you anything. If she won’t tell you, then the rules stay in place until you can figure it out. I think there is also a boy involved based on her sudden obsession with her makeup and looks.

    I will be praying for you guys. I know all too well how difficult this time is with any teenager!

  2. izabella215 says:

    Teenage girls are pretty tricky! Since obviously it is out of the question that she will talk with you or your wife my best advice is to get her into see a counselor. It doesn’t matter if it is a counselor at school or somewhere else. Yes teenage girls get attitude but it seems to me there is something more to story going on with her. I have a 14 year old so I do understand how things change. Maybe even though she was getting paid to do chores she feels that it is unfair that she has to do more chores than everyone. At any rate I wish you and your wife good luck!!

  3. Cookie84 says:

    First things first, having been a teen girl myself, I feel for you, lol. Secondly, she IS normal. She is pushing you to see how far you’ll go. To see if YOU care enough to try and find out what’s going on. Most importantly in any situation with a child who starts to act out suddenly, make sure she is ok, that no one is bullying her, or hurting her in any way, this includes family members!!! (this is why I had problems, family bullying among other things) When your sure it’s not that, sit down and talk WITH her, not AT her. NO YELLING. No making her feel like she’s bad. Make her feel like an adult, make sure she knows that her opinion and feelings matter. If this doesn’t work, and taking things away/no allowance still doesn’t work, maybe you need a fresh pair if eyes and ears. I know everyone thinks taking someone to see a psychologist means “your nuts” or “messed up” but that’s not it at all. Sometimes it helps to have a different perspective. It helped me. Made me realize that my situation wasn’t my fault. Helped me gain control, and speak up. I hope this helps, best of luck to you AND your daughter.

  4. crazedmom says:

    Hi Sleepyhead,

    As other readers have said, you need to breath and trust me my daughter was just like your daughter at that age. She was full of rage and hate for everything and everyone. I am not going to lie but she is on meds for her ADD.

    She was spiteful by ripping things of her siblings, crying for hours on end. I won’t say it gets easier because it don’t. You and your wife and very loving and trust me when I say she knows but I also ask her teachers if there is anything going on at school or with her friends. There can be something that you are not aware of that may enhance her feelings right now. She is taking out he aggression probably on the little ones because they cannot defend themselves. With her being with ADD it can be difficult to communicate.

    My daughter is 14 and yes she has calmed down but when she gets into rage it is ugly. I leave her in her room and she cannot come down until she is calm and not a fake calm which can be immediately noticed. I have stories which I can share to show you that you aren’t alone. She went to therapy which was a nightmare and still to this day cannot ask for help or better doesn’t know when she needs it.

    HUGS and MORE HUGS to your wife and you because you will get through this and works this out.

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